Sometimes the smartest thing is to walk away

Have you ever fought for something you knew in your heart was right and found yourself battling insurmountable obstacles?

I have, for a year now, been banging my head against a brick wall to effect positive change. I have talked and talked and talked, all for nought. And I have not fought for change alone.

I have been fortunate enough to work with and along side of an inspirational woman who taught me the meaning of real leadership. The meaning of real support in the face of glaring stupidity. The meaning of friendship, in a situation so toxic it would fell lesser people.

As I prepare to walk away from the fight, I wonder what the next 6 months will bring?

I'm going to miss to miss the closeness we shared as we compared war wounds and horror stories. I'm going to miss doing what I Iove to do... Helping people and making a real difference.

I won't miss the crazies. The venom. The aggro. The stalkers.

It will be interesting watching the walls come tumbling down. The weird thing is, I feel sorry for the new incumbent who has no idea what's ahead as they take on what is left behind. How do you prepare someone for war?? Dramatic statement I know. But if I look back over the past year, I feel battle weary.

Somewhere out there, a young person blames me for their problems in life. I have become the focus of all of their anger, disappointment, vitriol and hatred. What did I do? I sent them a pro forma letter.

Anyway, that saga has not yet been resolved and continues to rage around me and I really couldn't care less.

And that's the thing that really makes me sad. The not caring part. Because I prefer to be engaged in what's going on and not just a spectator.

Never mind. New adventures await. More controversy, new battles.

At least I get to keep my friend. Coffee is going to be fun from now on!

Taking a stand for what's right

You know...  I never saw myself as an advocate.  I am loud and I am prone to voicing my opinions however taking a stand for the greater good was never on my agenda. Unfortunately, life has a way of presenting you with opportunities to right some wrongs, not only for yourself, but for people who don't know or will never know your name.

I find myself in such a situation.

I am employed in a very large institution which proudly displays a multitude of awards, particularly in the area of providing a family friendly working environment for women.  In fact, last week the head of the organisation sent around an self congratulatory email about what a wonderful place we work in and aren't we lucky? 

Ummm  well no.  

I have, for a year now, been having an ongoing battle with management about providing working mothers with flexibility around work/life balance.  I know for a fact that I am not the only working parent in my organisation facing the complex juggling act of work, kids, being an effective team member and being an effective parent.

I was told in what I know term 'Round One', that is was my choice to work and therefore I would need to make sacrifices.

Now.  I cannot stress enough how discriminatory that statement is and how incensed I was to have another woman say that to me.  I think I shook with rage for a couple of days before I could bring myself to address the matter in writing to avoid losing the plot and crying in rage.

Needless to say, things have gone steadily downhill from that point on.  I have had it pointed out to me a number of times that it's not fair for the other members of my team who don't have parental responsibilities that I be allowed to access provisions in place for parents and carers.  Really?  So in actual fact I am the one who's doing the discriminating?  I think not.

Last week, my cup runneth over.  I am no longer prepared to suffer discrimination in silence. I refuse to subject myself to subliminal intimidation for trying to access my legal entitlements in order to perform my duties as primary caregiver to my children.

Thankfully, in amongst all of the shit I've faced over the course of the past year, I've realised that I have some true friends and allies, borne of shared anger and indignation at the short sightedness of those chosen to lead.

Things are going to get very interesting in the next few months.  I'm not prepared to sit in silence any longer and have decided to take the road less travelled and stir the pot.  Formally.

My only hope is that, in the aftermath of what's to come, people will get real about the predicament faced by working parents and actually start living up to the long winded philosophies they extol on their official website and the statements they make in their applications for awards targeted at environments receptive of the term 'flexibilty'.

Yours in solidarity,

Mrs Nobody

The world as we know it

Is anyone else a little freaked out by all the natural disasters that seem to be plaguing us lately? I'm only to happy to put my hand up and admit that I've spent a number of sleepless nights quietly stressing out.

Many years ago, as a young girl, I remember watching some show about the prophecies of Nostradamus.  I remember trembling in fear as doom and the ultimate demise of the human race was depicted in the tacky way only really bad (and by bad I mean great) 70's shows could do.

In the space of one year, we've borne witness to a number of massive earthquakes, floods and cyclones.  It appears that Mother Nature is in a vengeful kind of mood and has wreaked havoc and cause more destruction in one day than any great war lord could dream of in a lifetime.

That got me thinking.  For all the power that man can create and wield (nuclear weaponry, hostile take overs, the genocide of an entire race) nothing comes close the destruction that Mother nature can create in one afternoon if the mood strikes her.

Now I'm not a scientist.  I'm not even a very clever person if truth be told. But if there's one thing that is clear after watching the horror unfold in real time in Japan last Friday, there are very few man made things what will withstand the fury of an earthquake followed by a tsunami. 

What was riveting was to witness a slow trickle of water grow into this massive crescendo of   annihilation as the water claimed almost everything in it's path.  Very few buildings were spared. Tragically, the death toll will be beyond comprehension.

It's devastating to watch peoples lives change in the blink of an eye.  We've become such real time junkies that I'd hazard a guess that very few of us watched in fascinated horror and actually acknowledged that apart from witnessing natures destructive power, we were also witnessing the death of someone.  A stranger to us, but the entire reason for living to someone else.

I find it really hard to get my head around the fact that potentially  5000+ people may have woken up on Friday morning, never realising that this was it; their last day on earth.

What has happened to us as a race?  I don't mean as Australians, Japanese, Americans etc.

I mean as humans.  At what point did we lose the way and decide that killing anyone who didn't share our core values and beliefs was wrong and needed to conform? Who decided that the only way to solve problems was to fight?  When has violence and war ever solved anything? When did money, power and greed replace decency, equality and justice?

Some time ago, a video was doing the rounds, showing returning soldiers greeting their families back home.  It's very heartwarming and moving.  But it only told one side of the story.

Every warring party will believe they are in the right. Regardless of the reasons they go to war, soldiers swear allegiance to whatever flag they fight for. They leave behind their families, not really knowing if they will ever see them again.  The risks faced by both sides is the same.  Some make it back, others do not.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the teary reunions depicted in that video has been played out in every home in ever corner of the world since time began...  regardless of what side the soldiers were on.

I guess the point I'm trying to make, and I fear I'm making it badly, is that at the end of the day we are all the same. We are made different by geography and the places we are born.  We are made different by our faith and the languages that we speak.  But fundamentally we are all still the same.  Cut us and we bleed.  Hurt us and we feel pain.  We all love.  We all have the capacity to hate. We all think we are right and everyone else is wrong.

But none of us will ever best Mother Nature.  No matter how hard we try. That was made very clear last week. She can give life and also take it away.

Something to think about.

The view from the other side

As you may be aware, my eldest child started school recently.  That has meant a new routine, fresh fears, issues not before encountered and that's just for me.  


I am a full time working mother.  Which is hard.  Really really hard.  There are only so many hours in the day and too many things on the To Do list.  But I try to get through the most important of them all every day.  I fail miserably, but at least I try.


So in amongst all of stuff I have to do, I managed to negotiate finishing early one day a week so I can pick up my child from school.  Exciting!!!


The school drop-off and pick-up is fraught with subtext and a sort of hierarchy that exists with the parents of my particular school community.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing.  But as an outsider looking it, I find it completely fascinating.


I realised last week on my one pick-up day, how on the fringes I really am.  I'm fortunate enough to have a number of my mothers group mums at the same school.  While we all catch up at kids birthdays and one mum in particular is an angel and helps me out by picking up my child once a week, it's clear I'm no longer in the 'gang' as such.  I'm like the crazy second cousin once removed who pops over to a family BBQ once in a blue moon.


They ask me how work is and then resume their discussions about taking the kids swimming, dancing, gymnastics, going for coffee, going for lunch and other things that they do while I'm at work. New mums have been inducted into the group and their presence is much more important and fixed than mine will ever be. The organism known as 'Mum's Group' has evolved and grown without me.


It makes me sad, jealous and a little bit angry.  Sad that I'm out of the loop.  Jealous because I wish I could be more hands on as a mum.  Angry because sometimes life isn't fair and things don't happen the way you had hoped and imagined.


It's not a very nice place to be sometimes.  On the fringes.  I think it's human nature to want to fit in, to be one of the gang and not some random person hovering on the perimeter and never getting a look in.  It makes you feel like a teenager again, wanting to be one of the cool girls, the ones that everyone wants to be.


Life on the fringes can be a little isolating and cold.  There is no basking in the glow of shared stories, history or excitement at future plans.  It only reinforces that feeling that not only is your child missing out, but that I'm also missing out.


Still, I get to do one pick up a week.  It makes my child happy.  It makes me happy and it means a lot.  I live in hope that one day I'll be able to do more than one pick up.  And maybe do a lunch or coffee as well.


In the meantime, I remain, as ever...  Mrs Nobody.

Men behaving badly.

Is it me or is there a large amount of footage on men acting like complete idiots in the media lately?  I mean really.  Charlie Sheen, Ricky Nixon, Brendan Fevola to name a few.


Apart from Fevola, the other two are older and supposedly wiser (although these days, with Peter Pan complexes at an all time high, who the hell knows?) and should know better. But do they?  Do men ever grow up really?


Let's examine the evidence shall we?


Exhibit One;

The Warlock

Charlie Sheen.  Now there's a train wreck that's hard to miss.  Is anyone else concerned that the bowling shirts, shorts and socks with loafers he seems to favour are messing with his head?  I mean come on.  The rants are just priceless.  You can't get through the day without hearing some insane tirade spewing from his mouth.  Team that with the craziness that is radiating from those eyes and you've got dinner and a show right there.  Below are a few of my personal favorites:


1. 'I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen!' - when asked if he was on drugs by ABC News' Andrea Canning during an interview on March 1, 2011. 

• now kiddies, trust Mrs Nobody, you don't, under any circumstances, want to try this drug.  I mean like ever.  Never ever.  The results could be disastrous. Take a look at that picture.  Sexy?  I think not.

2. 'I'm so tired of pretending like my life isn't perfect and bitchin' and just winning every second and I'm not perfect and bitchin' and just deliverying the goods at every frickin' turn, because, look what I'm dealing with' man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls, dealing with soft targets and it's just, you know it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee because I don't have time for these clowns.' - Charlie Sheen's first on-air rant.

• bitchin'?  What, is it the 90's again?  Has he stepped through the space time continuum?

3. 'They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness.' - Charlie Sheen about his twin sons Bob and Max.

• Oh really?  Did you ever thing that's prefer a great, sober and alive father instead of a bitchen' duuuude? I'm guessing that they will raise you, hopefully, maybe.  I wonder what your two young and one adult daughters have to say about bitchin' Daddy?

4. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs. - Charlie Sheen

• News flash.  You're not different.  You're just like the rest of us.  Human, fragile and eventually, you will die.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this little boy has never grown up.  He has fathered five children, married three women, shot a former fiancee and is currently ensconced with two goddesses. What a catch!  Now I'm old enough to realise he may be suffering from delusion issues and the word grandeur springs to mind.  But clearly someone out there who's supposed to be looking after his best interests (mainly because he's paying them too) isn't doing a stellar job of it all.  SHUT HIM UP already.


The sad thing is, the media is keeping him right up there, turning him into a legend and proving yet again, that they have no morals or concerns about one very sick individual.


For those of you who want to see some more insanity, check out this youtube vid.

Exhibit Two;


Ricky Nixon.  What can we say about a 47 year old man who engages in an inappropriate dalliance with a minor.  Apparently people have an issue with the fact that the girl in question is 17, which apparently makes her 'old enough' to know better.  


Firstly, let me say this.  Out of the two of them, and let me make this clear; they were both at fault and both equally stupid, he was the adult.  No matter how you want to look at it, in the eyes of the law, she's still a child while Ricky on the other hand, left the teen years behind him some 30 years ago and has a crap load of life experience that should have told him NO.


It's very interesting to see people's reactions to this situation.  The level of vitriol that has been put out towards the girl in question is nothing short of amazing. But when you examine the facts and find out about her background, it all points to a very troubled child (and FYI the law says she's the child in this scenario, not him) who has some serious self esteem issues and is in desperate need for attention.  In a sports mad city, where else but the AFL would she go?


Ricky on the other hand, is a father, has a very senior position within the AFL realm and FYI is FORTY SEVEN YEARS OLD! Common decency and common sense should have sent him a clear message that this little adventure was wrong and dangerous.


I find it rather opportunistic that he flees the country in the hopes that it will all die down and he can come back and resume his life as per usual.  In the interim, the silly girl goes on another rant courtesy of 60 Minutes (again, well done media outlets for keeping prime news in the headlines... not) and he comes out and tells the world he has substance abuse problems and checks into rehab.


Rehab is the get out of jail card these days.  It seems everyone who's anyone wants to do a stint in rehab because apparently it adds street cred to your reputation.


The saddest thing of all is that people these days are impressed by idiots behaving badly.  By virtue of being a selfish, stupid, immoral and completely fucked up twit, your popularity soars and people think you effing ROCK duuude.


So to answer my initial question.  In both of these cases, the answer is no.  These boys have never grown up.


Is it any wonder Mother Nature is venting her fury at the stupidity of the human race? I think we've all lost out way a wee little bit.  We've scarificed the essence of real heroes who are selfless in their quests for idiots who's primary concern is themselves; their needs, their desires, their wants.


Kinda scary isn't it?